We’ve all seen it—or lived it.
You’re cruising along your healing journey, playlist flowing, affirmations strong… and then boom. A text. A DM. A “Hey stranger” from a number you deleted six months ago. And for a moment—just a moment—you wonder if maybe, just maybe, they’ve changed.
Sis, before you spin the block, consider this.
If you’re unfamiliar with the phrase, “spinning the block” is what we call going back to an ex—usually after the relationship ended for solid reasons. It’s the emotional equivalent of driving past an old neighborhood to see if the house you once lived in still feels like home.
Spoiler alert: it usually doesn’t.
Let me say this upfront—I’m not here to bash your ex, or try to convince you not to go back. This post isn’t about them. It’s about you. Your intentions. Your self-worth. Your healing. Your choices.
Because while I haven’t spun the block often in my life (and believe me, the opportunities and temptations showed up), I’ve definitely paused long enough at the stop sign to think about it. And what I’ve come to understand—both through my own experiences and deep reflection—is that spinning the block isn’t always about love.
Let’s get into it.
The Psychology Behind the Spin
Let’s keep it real—spinning the block is rarely about love and most times about fear.
Fear of starting over.
Fear of being alone.
Fear that maybe you won’t find something better.
Fear that you missed your chance at love.
But under all that fear, there’s often something deeper—the desire to finally be “the one.”
The one they commit to.
The one they stop lying to.
The one they grow up for.
The one they love out loud, fully and without games.
There’s a subtle belief that maybe this time they’ll get it right. That if you just show them how much you’ve healed or how good you were all along, they’ll choose you like they should have the first time.
That’s not always about love, sis. That’s about validation.
When something ends, we grieve—but not just the person. We grieve the potential. The fantasy. The version of us who thought this would be the one. And if we’re honest, sometimes spinning the block is less about them… and more about trying to rewrite our own rejection story.
You think, “If they come back, if they want me now, then maybe I was enough. Maybe I wasn’t crazy. Maybe it wasn’t me.”
But here’s the truth:
You don’t need someone to spin back to validate your worth.
You don’t need to be chosen again to prove you were always worthy.
When you chase that kind of closure, you end up reopening doors you’ve already outgrown. And when loneliness creeps in and options feel slim, spinning the block starts to look like safety.
It’s not.
It’s familiar.
But familiar and healthy are not the same thing.
Before You Go Back, Ask Yourself This
What changed—really?
Did they go to therapy? Learn new communication tools? Apologize meaningfully? Take accountability? Or did they just get nostalgic? Because missing you isn’t the same as valuing you. Craving your energy isn’t the same as honoring your boundaries.
Are you seeking connection or avoiding emptiness?
Sometimes we mistake distraction for healing. Are you truly ready to re-engage with this person, or are you just trying to fill a silence that feels too loud?
Are you trying to prove your worth by being chosen?
Whew. This one is tender. So many of us spin the block hoping we’ll finally be enough this time. But going back to an ex who couldn’t or wouldn’t love you fully doesn’t heal the wound—it deepens it. Real self-worth is knowing you’re enough, even when someone else couldn’t see it.
Is your life better now without them?
Are you more peaceful? More clear? More centered? Then what would really be the reason to go back? Don’t confuse familiarity with alignment. Just because they knew you once doesn’t mean they’re equipped to meet who you are now.
Are you spinning the block out of growth—or regression?
In some cases, two people do grow, evolve, and find their way back to each other in a healthy, whole way. But that only happens when both people have done their own inner work—not when one is still operating from survival mode and the other is hoping this time will be different.
So before you answer that message or return that call, pause. Be honest with yourself. These aren’t just surface-level questions—they’re doorways to your deeper truth. The version of you who’s healed, evolved, and grown deserves more than recycled pain dressed up as a second chance. And if the answers to these questions leave you feeling uneasy, unsure, or unaligned… that’s your intuition speaking. Listen to her.
Because if this is a pattern—not just a one-time tug on your heart—then it’s time to look at where that loop really started.
What’s the Pattern?
Let’s sit with this Sis.
Because if spinning the block is something you’ve done more than once—or even just thought about often—it’s time to stop looking at them and start looking within.
What’s the pattern?
Do you find yourself drawn to what’s familiar, even when it hurts?
Do you confuse consistency with chemistry?
Do you keep choosing people who make you prove you’re worthy?
Here’s the truth: if every love story you’ve lived has the same plot, you’re the common denominator. And that’s not shade—that’s power. That means you can change the story.
It’s not about blame—it’s about awakening.
You’re not broken. You’re not unlovable. But maybe you’re still healing the part of you that believes love must be earned. That someone finally coming back equals closure. That if they choose you this time, it validates all the times they didn’t.
But you don’t need to earn what you are.
And you don’t need to go back to prove you’ve grown.
Real inner work asks you to stop waiting for someone to come back and love you better—and start giving yourself the love you keep hoping someone else will finally get right.
Maybe, It’s You
This is where it gets real. Because the truth is, sometimes it’s not them who need to change.
It’s you.
The you who keeps ignoring the red flags.
The you who keeps handing out second chances while bleeding from the first.
The you who says, “I’ll never go back,” but still leaves the door cracked.
But hear me clearly—I’m not here to tell you not to go back. That’s not my place, and this isn’t about shame.
I’m here to ask:
If you do go back, are you returning as the healed woman you are now—or the version of you who still just wants to feel chosen?
Because how you return matters more than if you return.
Let it be from alignment, not anxiety.
Let it be from clarity, not craving.
Let it be because it feels true, not just because it feels familiar.
And if it’s not that?
Then maybe… it’s not for you.
When Spinning the Block Actually Works… Sometimes
Let’s be fair—spinning the block doesn’t always lead to disaster. Sometimes it leads to growth. But those cases require real transformation from both people.
Take Ashanti and Nelly, for example. After nearly a decade apart, they found their way back to each other. But by all accounts, they did it after doing the inner work separately. They both matured. They both experienced life without each other. And when they reconnected, it was on new terms—with new intentions.
And even then, it’s still unfolding. They’ve had a few public bumps—little internet flare-ups, rumors, and growing pains that remind us reconciliation doesn’t mean perfection. That’s the thing about love: it’s not a fairytale. It’s a process. A commitment to keep showing up, keep communicating, and keep healing—together and individually.
So yes, spinning the block can work—but only when it’s not about filling a void, proving a point, or rushing back to what’s familiar. It has to come from clarity, healing, and true emotional accountability on both sides.
Do Your Inner Work
Let’s take this conversation inward. Grab your journal or reflect on the questions below:
- What is it about this person that still has a pull on me? Is it them, or how they made me feel at a certain time in my life?
- What are the fears underneath my desire to reconnect? Am I afraid of being alone? Afraid of starting over? Afraid that no one else will come?
- When I think about my highest, healed self… does this person align with that version of me?
- Have I healed the part of me that once accepted crumbs and called it love?
- Am I longing for closure—or clarity?
- Is spinning the block really what I need, or just what feels easiest right now?
Inner work doesn’t mean perfection. It means pausing before you repeat patterns that don’t serve you. And giving yourself permission to ask better questions—questions rooted in your wholeness, not their potential. Remember, it’s not about them. This is about you, your mental wellbeing, and your peace.
Affirmation
I trust my growth. I trust my boundaries. I trust that love—real love—will never require me to return to what I’ve healed from. I am worthy of love that meets me where I am, not where I used to be.
Final Thoughts
I’m not saying every ex is off-limits. But I am saying every return requires wisdom.
You don’t owe anyone another round just because they came back. And you certainly don’t owe yourself another heartbreak for the sake of “what if.”
The version of you that loved them before? She did the best she could with what she knew. She was real. She was open. She was willing. But if you’re reading this now, I know you’re becoming someone deeper, wiser, more grounded in her worth.
That version of you deserves alignment, not an emotional rollercoaster.
If they’re meant for you, they’ll meet you where you are. You won’t have to shrink, guess, or twist yourself into a version they can digest. And if they can’t meet you there? That’s not rejection. That’s redirection.
Spinning the block doesn’t always bring healing. Sometimes, it reopens wounds that were finally starting to close.
You are not hard to love. You are not asking for too much. And the right connection will never require you to go back in order to move forward.
So, before you spin the block… ask yourself:
Would I be getting more of the same?
And am I finally ready for something that matches my healing?
You don’t need to go back to feel love.
Sometimes the biggest glow-up is never turning around.
Key Takeaways
- Spinning the block often stems from fear, not love.
- Make sure you’re not mistaking loneliness for connection.
- Self-worth means not settling for less, even when it’s familiar.
- People can change—but you’re not responsible for proving that.
- Ask deeper questions before making the same choices.
- You deserve love that grows forward, not one that keeps circling.
Share your thoughts…respectfully of course.