Comparison has been my demon for as long as I can remember. A demon in this sense is anything that disturbs our mental and emotional balance, standing in the way of self-acceptance and inner peace. Like a shadow that lurks in the corners of my mind, comparison has followed me through various stages of life—whispering doubts, pointing out perceived flaws, and reminding me that I wasn’t enough. From childhood through adulthood, I’ve wrestled with this subtle but harmful urge to measure my worth against others, a habit that has stolen much joy from my life. As I’ve grown older, prioritized my personal growth, and sought therapy, when necessary, I’ve discovered that comparison, while still present, no longer has the same power over me.
In this post, I want to share the evolution of my relationship with comparison—where it began, how it has affected me over the years, and the strategies I now use to overcome it. My hope is that my story resonates with those who have a similar struggle and that my insights help others find freedom from the weight of comparison.
Where Does This Urge to Compare Come From?
The need to compare ourselves to others is, in part, a universal human experience. It’s rooted in our biology and psychology, as we are inherently social creatures. Evolutionarily speaking, being able to measure ourselves against others in our group likely had survival benefits—helping us assess where we fit in, whether we were strong enough to lead or needed to adjust our behavior to ensure safety. However, in today’s world, this ancient instinct can manifest in unhealthy ways.
For me, this habit to compare started early. I remember being a child and comparing myself to other kids—whether it was in school, sports, or simply the way I looked. I would notice that some kids had more friends, got better grades, more pretty, or seemed to have more natural talent. At first, these comparisons seemed like innocent observations, but they gradually became the foundation for my self-worth.
I didn’t just notice differences—I internalized them. I started to believe that the only way I could be worthy or lovable was if I measured up to others. And because there was always someone better, smarter, prettier, or more talented, I felt like I was always falling short. This was the beginning of my battle with comparison.
High school was an especially difficult period for me. It’s the time in life when social hierarchies become most pronounced, and success is often measured by external achievements—grades, popularity, athletic abilities, and looks. I found myself constantly comparing every aspect of my life to those around me.
Academically, I wasn’t at the top of my class, and that weighed on me. Although I was in an environment where good grades and being at the top of the class didn’t matter among my peers, I felt that I was not performing to my full potential in an effort to fit in. I did what was required in order to play sports, settling for mediocrity. The same pattern repeated in sports—there was always someone faster, stronger, or more coordinated than I was. The more I compared, the worse I felt about myself, which only reinforced the feeling that I wasn’t good enough.
Then there were the social aspects—popularity, friendships, and relationships. I would watch from the sidelines as some of my peers effortlessly navigated the social world, seemingly at the center of everything. I, on the other hand, often felt like I was on the outskirts. I wondered why I couldn’t be more like them, why I didn’t have their charisma or their confidence. I started to believe that something was inherently wrong with me.
The habit of comparison followed me into military service, and my career was adversely impacted. Although I completed 20-years of service, at the time I retired I felt less than because of the rank I retired at, knowing I had the potential to do better.
Looking back, I can see how deeply these comparisons affected my mental health. But at the time, I didn’t have the tools to understand what was happening or how to stop it. Comparison was like a reflex—I didn’t even realize how often I was doing it or the toll it was taking on my self-esteem.
The Social Media Era Adds Fuel to the Fire
As if real-life comparison wasn’t enough, the rise of social media later in my life added a whole new layer of complexity. Suddenly, I had a front-row seat to everyone else’s highlight reel. It wasn’t just the people in my immediate circle I was comparing myself to anymore; it was influencers, celebrities, and strangers from around the world.
Social media is designed to encourage comparison. It’s a platform for people to share their best moments—their successes, vacations, relationships, and achievements. But scrolling through my feed, it often felt like everyone else was living a better life than I was. I’d see people my age accomplishing amazing things, traveling to beautiful places, or building their dream careers. I couldn’t help but wonder why my life didn’t look like that.
This was a time in my life when comparison was at its peak. I was already struggling to find my place in the world, and social media seemed to magnify my insecurities. I began to question whether I would ever be successful, attractive, or interesting enough to keep up with the carefully curated lives I saw online. It was a toxic cycle—one that made me feel disconnected from myself and from my own reality.
“Comparison Is the Thief of Joy”
It wasn’t until I was in my mid-40s that I came across a quote that deeply resonated with me: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” At first, it sounded simple, almost too straightforward, but the more I reflected on it, the more I realized how true it was.
Every time I compared myself to someone else, I robbed myself of the ability to appreciate my own life and my own accomplishments. By focusing on what I lacked or how I didn’t measure up, I missed out on the beauty and uniqueness of my own journey. I was so busy looking at what others had that I didn’t see what was right in front of me.
This quote became a turning point for me. It wasn’t an instant fix, but it was the beginning of a shift in my mindset. I started to recognize that comparison wasn’t serving me; it was holding me back from experiencing real joy, fulfillment, and freely expressing myself.
Personal Growth and Therapy Were the Tools I Needed
At this time, I began to take my personal growth more seriously. I doubled up on reading self-help books, listening to podcasts, and following thought leaders who spoke about self-acceptance and mental health. I realized that the journey to overcoming comparison wasn’t about reaching a point where I never compared myself to others again. Instead, it was about developing the tools and strategies to manage those thoughts when they arose.
Therapy became a crucial part of this process. Through therapy, I began to unpack the deeper roots of my comparison habits. I learned that my need to compare often stemmed from feelings of inadequacy and a belief that my worth was tied to external validation. In therapy, I worked on reframing these beliefs and understanding that my value wasn’t dependent on how I measured up to others.
One of the most powerful lessons I learned in therapy was the importance of self-compassion. For so long, I had been incredibly hard on myself, holding myself to impossible standards and berating myself when I didn’t meet them. Therapy taught me that it was okay to be kind to myself, to recognize that I was doing the best I could with the tools I had at the time.
Gradually, I began to see that personal growth wasn’t about perfection—it was about progress. I didn’t have to have it all figured out or be the best at everything. I just had to keep moving forward, doing my best, and celebrating my own journey.
The Urge to Compare is Still There, But Different
Even though I’ve come a long way, the urge to compare hasn’t completely disappeared. There are still moments when I find myself scrolling through social media or seeing someone else’s success and feeling that familiar twinge of inadequacy. But now, instead of spiraling into self-doubt, I have strategies to manage those thoughts.
When comparison thoughts arise, I remind myself that I’m on my own unique path. I try to shift my focus away from what others are doing and back to my own journey. Instead of seeing someone else’s success as a reflection of my own shortcomings, I celebrate it as evidence of what’s possible. If they can achieve great things, so can I—on my own timeline and in my own way.
I also practice gratitude. Comparison often makes us focus on what we lack, but gratitude helps us focus on what we have. When I catch myself comparing, I take a moment to reflect on the things in my life that bring me joy, fulfillment, and purpose. This simple shift in perspective can make a world of difference.
Another strategy I use is to limit my exposure to comparison triggers, especially social media. I’ve become more intentional about the accounts I follow and the content I consume. If something makes me feel inadequate or triggers unhealthy comparisons, I mute or unfollow it. I’ve also set boundaries around my social media use, giving myself breaks and reminding myself that what I see online is only a small part of the story.
Embracing My Journey
The older I get, the more I realize that comparison is not only futile but also a distraction from the life I want to live. We each have our own unique paths, shaped by our experiences, challenges, and choices. No two lives are the same, and that’s a beautiful thing.
I’ve learned to embrace my journey—the ups, the downs, the successes, and the setbacks. I’ve come to understand that my worth is not contingent on how I compare to others, but on who I am as a person. My value is intrinsic, not dependent on external achievements or validation.
Of course, this is an ongoing process. I’m still growing, learning, and evolving. But the difference now is that I approach my personal growth from a place of self-compassion and acceptance, rather than comparison and competition.
Finding Peace in My Own Story
Comparison may have been a demon that haunted me for much of my life, but it no longer controls me. Through personal growth, therapy, and the strategies I’ve developed, I’ve learned to manage those comparison thoughts when they arise and to focus on my own journey.
The truth is comparison is always going to be a part of life. We live in a world that constantly encourages us to measure ourselves against others, whether it’s through social media, career achievements, or personal relationships. But we have the power to choose how we respond to those comparisons. We can let them steal our joy, or we can choose to celebrate our own unique path.
This reflection on comparison is part of a larger conversation about self-worth, mental health, and personal growth. As I continue to prioritize my own development, I hope to inspire others to do the same. Comparison may always be present, but it doesn’t have to define us. The more we embrace our own journeys, the more we can find true joy, fulfillment, and self-acceptance.