From the moment we’re born, we come into the world as blank slates—pure, free, and full of wonder. This is the closest we are to our true selves, unburdened by rules, judgments, and expectations. We start out with nothing but our own curiosity and the ability to feel deeply, to sense things beyond the physical world. In a way, babies are perfect reflections of their divine spiritual selves—connected to the world around them, trusting, and open. But as we grow from children into teenagers and eventually into adults, that pure, open part of us becomes hidden beneath layers of expectations, rules, and limitations.

So, why does this happen? And why do so many of us struggle to reconnect with our true selves as adults?

The answer often points back to our upbringing. Families can play a big role in shaping who we become, and while they mean well, many parents unintentionally guide us away from our own spirits and into molds that fit their desires and expectations. Under the label of “guidance” or “parenting,” control becomes the real name of the game. Kids are often told to be on their best behavior, to act in ways that “make the family look good,” to be seen and not heard. And, without realizing it, these lessons become internalized, and we grow up feeling disconnected from who we really are.

But here’s the good news: it’s never too late to reconnect with your true self. I’m here to share how I found the courage to be myself and how you can too, through therapy, self-help, spirituality, journaling, and a whole lot of self-discovery.

Part 1: Understanding the Roots of the Problem

Family Expectations: The Unseen Influence

When we’re young, we look up to our parents and guardians for everything—love, security, guidance. They become our entire world. And as loving as that can be, it also makes us vulnerable to absorbing their beliefs, opinions, and desires as if they were our own. Often, parents want what’s “best” for their children, but sometimes “best” really means “what looks good to me.” Without realizing it, parents and guardians may push us into directions they feel are right, ignoring what we naturally lean toward.

Think of common phrases like:

• “You should study something practical, not waste time on art or music.”
• “Be on your best behavior. Don’t embarrass us.”
• “You should act more like your brother/sister.”

These statements are often said with good intentions, but over time they can bury a child’s real personality under layers of shame, doubt, and insecurity. It’s not surprising that many adults, raised with such standards, grow up feeling unheard, unseen, and out of touch with their own spirits.

The Control Disguised as “Guidance”

There’s a fine line between guidance and control, but in many families, that line is blurred. Being told what to do, how to act, and what to believe is often packaged as “guidance” for a better life. However, these instructions can turn into commands that don’t allow room for individuality.

As kids, we learn quickly to obey because it makes things easier at home. The problem? We often carry this obedience into adulthood, following social rules and family beliefs without question. This stops us from finding our unique selves and, instead, keeps us focused on “what others think” or “how others feel.” Reclaiming ourselves starts with unlearning these controlling messages and listening to our inner voice once again.

Part 2: The Journey to Self-Discovery

Step 1: Therapy – Finding Support and Validation

For me, therapy was the first step toward unlearning these deep-rooted behaviors and beliefs. Talking to a therapist provided a safe space to explore my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I was finally able to peel back the layers and look at how my upbringing had shaped me. Therapy allowed me to see myself from a fresh perspective.

If therapy is something you’re considering, it can:

• Help you identify and challenge old beliefs that no longer serve you.
• Give you tools to rebuild your confidence and trust in yourself.
• Provide a non-judgmental space where your voice is valued.

Therapists encourage us to look within, ask questions, and gain clarity on what we truly want out of life. They help us see that the control we grew up with doesn’t have to define us forever.

Step 2: Diving into Self-Help Books

Books have always been a source of knowledge and empowerment. Self-help books, in particular, opened doors I didn’t even know existed. They exposed me to different ways of thinking and helped me develop a language around self-worth, boundaries, and authenticity.

Some topics and types of books that might resonate on a journey to self-discovery:

• Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff: A book focused on being kinder to ourselves.
• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: A guide to finding personal freedom.
• Untamed by Glennon Doyle: A personal story that encourages embracing one’s true self.

Books allow us to explore ideas at our own pace. When we read, we’re alone with our thoughts, giving us time to reflect and absorb. They offer lessons that we can pick up and put down whenever we need them.

Step 3: Finding a Spiritual Path That Resonates

Another big part of my journey was discovering a spiritual practice that felt right to me. Spirituality is different for everyone, and for me, it takes the form of Metaphysics and Hoodoo—a blend of ancient knowledge, cultural roots, and empowerment. Metaphysics helps me feel connected to a world beyond myself, while Hoodoo gives me a grounding connection to my ancestors and heritage.

Exploring spirituality can be as simple as:

• Meditating or connecting with nature.
• Practicing mindfulness and gratitude.
• Learning about various spiritual beliefs and finding what resonates.

For billions of people worldwide, spirituality means following a specific religion and its mode of worship; for others, it’s about connecting with nature or practicing mindfulness. The important thing is finding a path that feels true to who you are and brings peace of mind. This step takes strength and bravery, especially around people who believe their way is the only way to The Most High.

Step 4: Journaling – The Art of Self-Reflection

Journaling became my way of processing emotions, ideas, and dreams without any external judgment. Each time I put pen to paper, I gave myself the freedom to explore whatever came up—fear, anger, excitement, sadness, joy. Writing helped me understand where these emotions came from and allowed me to release what no longer served me.

Benefits of journaling include:

• Gaining insight into personal feelings and thoughts.
• Building a safe place to express oneself without judgment.
• Helping clarify what makes you happy or fulfilled.

A journal can be a mirror, reflecting back the parts of you that are eager to be seen and heard. Through writing, I found myself growing more in touch with my inner voice and embracing parts of me that I once tried to hide.

Part 3: Cultivating Mindfulness and Self-Awareness

Becoming Aware of Your Inner Voice

Being mindful means becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings without getting swept up in them. Mindfulness practices, like deep breathing or meditation, allowed me to observe my mind, see where it wandered, and understand the ways I had been conditioned to think and act.

Practicing mindfulness daily can:

• Make you aware of self-limiting beliefs and patterns.
• Help you become more present and appreciative of the moment.
• Encourage kindness toward yourself and others.

When we start to understand the messages that play in our minds, we can choose whether we want to keep them or replace them with kinder, more empowering beliefs.

Self-Awareness: A Constant Journey

Self-awareness is the ongoing process of understanding who you are, what you want, and what you value. It’s about listening to your heart and finding the courage to follow it, even when it doesn’t align with others’ expectations.

Being self-aware means:

• Questioning why you do things a certain way.
• Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses.
• Knowing your likes, dislikes, and what brings you joy.

The more aware you become, the easier it is to live life on your terms, unapologetically and freely.

Part 4: Empowering Yourself Through Learning and Growth

Discovering Women’s History

One of the final pieces of my journey was learning about women’s history. Reading about strong, resilient women who had faced challenges and broken boundaries inspired me to find my own voice and value. I saw how women throughout history had risen above societal expectations and found courage in their unique strengths.

Some inspiring historical women to learn about include:

• Harriet Tubman – for bravery and resilience.
• Marie Curie – for her pioneering spirit in science.
• Frida Kahlo – for her unapologetic self-expression.

Learning about these women helped me realize that I, too, could stand strong in my truth and live with purpose, regardless of societal expectations.

Building Boundaries and Protecting Your Peace

Setting boundaries was a huge part of my journey to self-empowerment. Once I recognized how much my life had been shaped by others’ demands, I started to set clear boundaries around my time, energy, and emotions.

Creating boundaries can look like:

• Saying no to things that don’t feel right.
• Taking time for yourself, even if others don’t understand.
• Standing firm in your beliefs and desires.

Boundaries protect your peace and allow you to focus on what’s important to you.

Conclusion: Finding Courage in Every Step

Finding the courage to be yourself isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s a journey filled with small, consistent steps that bring you closer to your true self. Every part of this journey—therapy, self-help, spirituality, journaling, mindfulness, and learning about women’s history—helps peel away the layers of expectation and control, revealing the authentic, beautiful spirit within.

The journey might look different for everyone, and that’s okay. The important thing is to keep going, to keep exploring, and to keep showing up as the person you truly are. Remember, you are enough just as you are, and you have the right to be seen, heard, and celebrated.

So take a deep breath, trust in your journey, and find the courage to be unapologetically you. The world needs your unique light!