I’ve smiled through a lot of moments that secretly cracked something inside of me.
Watching families laugh, hug, cry together—my face would beam, but my soul would ache. It’s not envy. It’s longing. A deep yearning for emotional connection that I’ve spent most of my life avoiding. Not because I didn’t want it, but because I never really learned how to hold it.
This isn’t just my story. I’m sharing it because maybe, like me, you’ve carried emotional disconnect for so long that it feels like part of your personality. But what if it’s not who you are—just how you survived? If you’ve ever felt disconnected from the people you love, unsure how to let them in, or numb to your own emotions, this is for you. Because healing that emotional disconnect is possible. I’m doing it—and I want to help you do it too.
I started unpacking this in What Emotional Guarding Costs Us—and How to Start Letting Go, where I talked about the fear behind vulnerability. But this post goes deeper. Here, I’m opening the door to the little girl who learned to bury her feelings—and showing you how I’m helping her come back to life.
Let’s get into it.
Emotional Disconnect Isn’t Coldness—It’s Survival
I wasn’t raised in a household where emotions were safe, seen, or spoken. Like many Black and Indigenous families navigating systemic survival, emotions often got buried under “what needs to be done.” There wasn’t time, space, or language for softness, even for little girls.
My parents weren’t cruel. They were in survival mode. Young themselves, they did the best they could with what they knew at the time. But emotional intelligence—understanding and expressing feelings with clarity and compassion—was never modeled for me. The unspoken rule? We don’t do feelings here. I internalized that. Adapted to it. Mastered it.
So I became the fiercely independent one. The strong one. The emotionally unbothered one. But deep inside was a quiet little girl who wanted to be held and heard, not managed and misunderstood.
So she made her own kind of shelter. She built a fortress around her heart to stay safe. And I, the grown woman, kept living in that fortress—calling it protection. I carried the fortress into friendships, romantic relationships, even into my self-talk.
But a fortress is still a cage when it keeps love out.
The Emotional Body and the Sacral Chakra
In metaphysical terms, this all ties directly into the sacral chakra—our emotional, creative, relational center located just below the navel. When balanced, this chakra lets energy flow freely through pleasure, expression, and intimacy. But when blocked? You get emotional numbness. Disconnection. A life that looks fine on the outside but feels muted inside.
That’s been me.
The sacral chakra governs our ability to feel and be felt, to express, to connect sensually and emotionally. It’s not just about romance. It’s about creativity, vulnerability, joy, and sorrow. All of it.
When it’s blocked, we suppress our feelings, detach in relationships, and operate in emotional scarcity even when love is right in front of us.
This chakra doesn’t just respond to feelings—it mirrors them. If you were taught to shut down emotions to survive, the sacral chakra holds that shutdown like a wound. And it’s hard to create or connect when your energy center is wrapped in self-protection.
When I realized my emotional disconnect wasn’t just a personality trait but a blockage—a survival response that’s overstayed its welcome—I knew I had to do more than understand it. I had to feel it.
And then I had to heal it.
Generational Roots, Emotional Echoes
This isn’t just personal—it’s ancestral. This disconnect didn’t start with me. Like many of us, I inherited emotional restraint as a generational wound.
I come from lineages where feelings were a luxury. Where stoicism meant strength. Where emotional expression was seen as weakness, especially in communities constantly fighting for basic rights and dignity. My parents inherited it too—from their own trauma, poverty, religion, racism, migration. From being told to toughen up and keep going. Tenderness was often punished or ridiculed. Vulnerability was unsafe. Emotions didn’t pay bills or protect Black and Indigenous bodies.
But what got passed down for survival has now become a form of emotional starvation. The good news? I don’t have to keep passing it down. I don’t have to keep living in it either.
The emotional neglect I experienced wasn’t intentional. It was inherited. Passed down in subtle ways—through silence, avoidance, and distraction. That’s generational trauma. But we also carry the power of generational healing—to feel what wasn’t felt, to speak what wasn’t spoken, and to love in ways that feel foreign but freeing.
Learning to Be Emotionally Available: The Reparenting Journey
Working with my therapist, I began to understand that emotional intelligence isn’t just about understanding others—it’s about understanding myself. I’ve begun untangling the emotional withholding. And it’s messy. Sometimes painful. Often uncomfortable. But it’s honest.
One of the biggest realizations I’ve had? I’ve been withholding from myself, too. Not just from others. That same emotional disconnect I use in relationships, I’ve used on me—avoiding the deeper conversations with my inner child, brushing past grief, minimizing joy to keep things “in control.”
Recognizing the difference between a feeling and a reaction. Creating space between a trigger and my response. Naming my emotions with language instead of acting them out through withdrawal or overperformance.
Here’s the truth: My emotional disconnect was a brilliant act of self-protection. But now it’s a barrier.
What that little girl wanted was to be seen, held, celebrated. So now, I celebrate her. I tell her:
You don’t have to be the strong one all the time.
You’re allowed to cry. To laugh too loud. Need a hug. To feel soft and sacred and full of feeling.
Because here’s the thing—Love requires availability.
Reparenting means asking my inner child:
- What do you feel right now?
- What do you need?
- Is this fear or fact?
It’s about attuning to the emotional body I once ignored. Making time to process, not just perform.
To reparent ourselves is to hold space for the full spectrum of emotion. To tell that little girl, “I see you now. It’s okay to feel everything.”
Practical Ways to Tune In
Here’s what’s helping me in this process—and maybe it’ll help you, too.
1. Name the Pattern Without Shame or Blame
Healing begins with emotional honesty. Start by acknowledging where you learned emotional disconnect. Not to shame or blame anyone. Just to bring the wound into the light.
Ask yourself:
- How were emotions handled in your family?
- How did my caregivers respond to my emotions?
- What messages did I internalize about crying, joy, anger, or affection?
- When did I start believing it was safer to stay guarded or quiet?
- How has this shaped your emotional patterns?
Self-awareness is step one in emotional intelligence. You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. Awareness isn’t about blaming the past. It’s about liberating your future.
2. Feel Before You Fix
This is the part I used to skip. I’d jump into solutions, affirmations, productivity. But emotions aren’t problems—they’re messengers.
Now, I pause.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t skip the feeling—they sit with it.
When I feel disconnected or cold, I don’t beat myself up. I get curious, and breathe into the tightness. I ask, What am I afraid of feeling right now?
Sometimes it’s grief or shame. Sometimes love itself feels threatening because it was once so inconsistent.
Either way, I sit with it. Not forever—but long enough to hear it out.
If you’re sad, don’t immediately distract yourself. If you’re angry, don’t rush to be “over it.” Pause. Breathe. Ask yourself: What is this emotion trying to teach me?
Each emotion carries information. Treat it with respect. Don’t bury it, because it’ll show up later disguised as anxiety, irritation, or fatigue.
3. Create Micro-Moments of Connection
Emotional connection is built, not forced, and rewiring emotional habits takes practice in real time. Start small:
- Send a voice note instead of a text.
- Make eye contact during conversations.
- Let someone hug you a second longer than usual.
- Journal about a time you felt loved—even if it was fleeting.
- Respond with “That must have been hard” instead of offering advice.
- Let people finish their thought without rushing in.
- Tell people you appreciate them for no reason.
These micro-moments are like warm-ups for emotional intimacy. They teach your nervous system, This is safe now. These small moments train your heart to open safely.
4. Build an Emotional Vocabulary
Sometimes, emotional disconnect comes from not knowing how to say what we feel.
Try this: At the end of the day, in your journal creatively express your “emotional weather report”.
- “Today felt overcast with moments of sun.”
- “This afternoon was a thunderstorm of resentment followed by a breeze of relief.”
It might sound silly, but it builds emotional fluency. You’re teaching your inner world how to talk to your outer world.
Emotional intelligence also includes fluency in your own emotional language. Try replacing “I’m fine” with:
- “I feel overlooked.”
- “I’m disappointed, but I’m working through it.”
- “I’m excited, and a little nervous too.”
Naming the feeling accurately helps you process it fully. The more specific you are, the more power you have.
5. Practice Vulnerability in Safe Spaces
Vulnerability isn’t about spilling your guts to everyone. It’s about letting the right people see the real you—even when it’s uncomfortable.
That might mean telling a friend, “I struggle with connection.” Or letting a partner know, “I’m working on showing up more emotionally.”
Vulnerability breeds intimacy. But it also reveals who can hold you with care—and who can’t.
Emotional intelligence also means discernment—knowing when and where to open up.
Start with people who’ve shown you they can hold space without judgment. Try saying:
- “I’m trying to be more emotionally present. This feels new for me.”
- “I’m learning to say how I feel before I shut down.”
That’s vulnerability rooted in wisdom. It builds trust.
6. Use Rituals to Awaken the Sacral Chakra
Get spiritual with it. The sacral chakra responds to:
- Water: Take mindful baths, go swimming, drink herbal infusions.
- Movement: Dance, stretch, do hip-opening yoga poses.
- Creative play: Paint, sing, write poetry, cook something new.
- Crystals: Carnelian, orange calcite, and moonstone support sacral healing.
- Affirmations: Try “It’s safe for me to feel. I am emotionally alive. I deserve joy.”
Ritual isn’t about performance. It’s about presence. Showing up for your emotional body with intention and reverence. These rituals help clear blocked energy and make room for emotional clarity.
7. Redefine Strength
For so long, I thought being unemotional was strength. Now I know better. Let’s be real: most of us were praised for emotional stoicism. For not crying. For “keeping it together.”
But true strength is presence, not pretense. It’s crying and still showing up; feeling deeply and staying grounded. It’s choosing softness when the world taught you to be hard.
Redefine your strength as emotional wisdom. As softness with boundaries.
True strength is holding your heart open—even when it trembles.
Admitting when you’re lonely.
Letting joy in without apologizing for it.
You don’t have to harden to be whole.
Let Emotional Openness Become Your Abundance Portal
Here’s what I’ve come to believe: the more emotionally open I become, the more aligned and abundant my life becomes.
Emotional openness increases your energetic capacity to receive—not just love, but insight, clarity, creativity, and opportunities. When your emotional intelligence deepens, so does your ability to manifest and maintain the things your soul craves.
Why? Because the universe responds to authentic alignment. And you can’t be in alignment while emotionally guarded. Emotional disconnect blocks blessings. It shrinks your vibration. It keeps you in emotional survival mode when your spirit was made for freedom.
When I started saying how I really felt, when I stopped shutting down and started showing up emotionally—my life started shifting. Not overnight. But noticeably.
- I could create without overthinking.
- I received compliments and kindness without brushing them off.
- I made decisions from trust, not fear.
- I started attracting more honest, present people.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just “nice to have”—it’s an abundance skill. The more emotionally fluent and open you are, the more life responds in kind.
Final Thoughts: Your Invitation to Feel Fully
If something in this post stirred your heart—if you felt a lump in your throat, a soft ache in your chest, or a quiet “me too”—don’t ignore it. That’s your emotional self reaching out. That’s healing beginning.
You don’t have to keep living in survival mode, or keep performing strength while starving for connection. You don’t have to keep calling disconnect your personality just because it kept you safe once.
It’s safe now to be present with your feelings. To befriend your tenderness. To build trust with your own heart.
You’re not too late or too far gone. You’re right on time.
So take a breath. Place your hand on your heart. And ask:
What part of me is ready to feel again?
Because emotional connection isn’t something you earn by being perfect.
It’s something you allow by being honest.
Start small.
Be curious.
Speak your truth.
And let the love you’ve always wanted begin with you.
You are worthy of deep emotional intimacy—with yourself, with others, and with life.
Let this be your season of returning to wholeness.
Your softness is not your weakness.
It’s your rebirth.
Want to dive deeper into your healing and growth journey? Explore my curated collection of self-worth workbooks, soul-nourishing journals, and empowering resources in my Etsy shop and Amazon author page. Whether you’re rebuilding boundaries, rediscovering your voice, or simply craving a moment of reflection, there’s something waiting for you. Your next breakthrough might just be a click away.
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