Restoring my integrity has become my newest mission. For a long time, I thought integrity was about being a “good” person.
I tied it to morals. To rules. To how I was raised, what the military expected, and what society told me was acceptable. I thought integrity meant coloring inside the lines and never messing up. But my therapist helped me see something different—something that finally clicked in my soul.
Integrity isn’t about being “good.” It’s about being whole.
And here’s the real truth: I didn’t fully understand this until I was approaching 50. And when challenged with the task of restoring my integrity, I accepted it head on!
I have no regrets, though—just clarity. And if you’re younger than me reading this? I hope my story helps you get there faster.
Because learning this lesson is changing everything for me. And it can do the same for you.
Let’s get into it.
The Real Definition of Integrity
Integrity comes from the Latin word integritas, which means wholeness, completeness, and undividedness. It’s not about whether something is right or wrong. It’s about whether something aligns.
So, here’s the truth:
Integrity is when what you say, what you do, and who you are all match.
That’s it.
Not what your pastor says or what your mama thinks.
Not what your military commander demands.
It’s you and your relationship with you. I learned that restoring my integrity is an internal job.
When you’re out of integrity with yourself, you feel it. You might call it anxiety or feel like you’re spiraling, procrastinating, people-pleasing, staying in things too long, saying yes when your body’s screaming no.
You might feel off. Stuck. Uninspired.
That’s not a moral failure. That’s spirit, your higher self, saying:
“Hey, we’re out of sync. Let’s come back home.”
Morality vs. Integrity: Why We Confuse the Two
Morality is usually handed to us.
It comes from religion, culture, family, and social expectations.
It’s full of “shoulds” and “should nots.”
And while moral values can serve a purpose, they’re often rooted in fear, control, and judgment—especially for women, people of color, and anyone who’s ever been labeled as “other.”
You were told to be nice. To be quiet. To be humble.
That success must look a certain way.
That your job title defines your worth.
That “good girls” don’t do this, that, or the other.
But let’s be honest: how many of those morals kept you in survival mode? How many had you betraying yourself in silence?
That’s not integrity. That’s conditioning.
And for me?
20 years in the military, the Air Force to be exact, drove that lesson of conditioning home hard.
When the Military Boxed Me In
Let me begin by saying that I don’t regret my time served. I’ve gained valuable career skills, education, traveled the world, and I’ve earned benefits that sustain me today. But there was a cost to my soul I did not anticipate or even realize. Serving in the military demanded obedience, precision, and image.
Everything had a protocol.
Everything was about following the chain of command, even if my own voice had to go silent in the process.
I learned to suppress my instincts.
To “do the right thing” even when it didn’t feel right for me.
To put the mission above myself—every time.
And sure, I got the medals. The promotions. The respect.
But inside? I was disappearing.
Because I wasn’t choosing from my own truth.
I was choosing from fear, from duty, from someone else’s definition of what a good airman, woman, or American citizen should be.
And I carried that mindset into my civilian life without even realizing it.
Until my therapist said something simple that cracked me wide open:
“Integrity isn’t about being right. It’s about being real.”
Whew.
Busting Out: Restoring My Ingegrity By Changing the Conversation With Myself
Since leaving the military, I’ve had to unlearn so much.
Unlearn the idea that productivity equals value and the belief that I had to earn rest, love, or ease.
Unlearn the silent contracts I signed with society that told me I had to shrink to fit in.
Now, I’m doing the work of restoring my integrity.
Not to be perfect. Not to be “better.”
But to be whole again.
That means:
- Saying what I mean and meaning what I say.
- Not overcommitting just to feel needed.
- Making promises to myself—and keeping them.
- Leaving spaces where I have to abandon myself to belong.
- Creating a life that reflects who I really am, not just who I was trained to be.
And let me tell you something: it feels like freedom.
Integrity as a Path to Abundance
Here’s where this gets even deeper.
When you are in integrity, the energy around you shifts. You:
- stop leaking your power trying to live up to other people’s expectations and start trusting your decisions because they come from your core.
- make space for abundance—not just money, but peace, alignment, creativity, and joy and say yes to opportunities that align with your purpose.
- learn to say no to distractions dressed up as “shoulds.”
Integrity creates flow.
And flow creates expansion.
When I was out of integrity with myself, I couldn’t hold onto abundance.
I’d manifest a win, then sabotage it.
Get clarity, then talk myself out of it.
Make plans, then ghost on my own goals. I made promises I didn’t keep—not to others, but to me.
Because part of me didn’t feel safe with success.
Because I was out of sync.
But now? Now I’m cleaning house.
Energetically, emotionally, spiritually.
Restoring My Integrity One Area at a Time
You don’t need to burn your whole life down to get back into alignment.
Integrity is restored in small, consistent, soul-honoring choices.
It happens in quiet moments—when no one’s watching, but you’re listening.
Here’s where you can begin:
1. Be Honest About What You Want
Start by getting radically real with yourself.
Not what you should want, what your family expects, or what looks impressive on paper.
What do you want, in your bones?
Do you want rest, even though people say you’re lazy?
Desire wealth, even though you were taught to be humble and not ask for too much?
Do you want love, adventure, solitude, softness, or freedom?
Say it. Admit it. Let it rise.
Because denying your truth in the name of “being good” is the fastest way to betray yourself.
There’s no integrity in pretending your desires don’t matter.
Write them down. Speak them aloud. Honor them in your choices.
2. Keep Your Promises to Yourself
We often bend over backwards to keep our word to others, but break promises to ourselves without blinking.
And every time we do, trust erodes.
You told yourself you’d rest. You didn’t.
Said you’d stop texting that person. You did it anyway.
You committed to creating, moving, healing—and you ghosted yourself.
This isn’t about shame—it’s about repair.
Start small. Choose one promise today that you will keep, no matter what.
Maybe it’s drinking water. Journaling. Turning off your phone by 10.
The action matters less than the energy behind it.
Each time you follow through, your nervous system relaxes.
Your self-trust grows.
Your integrity strengthens.
Don’t chase perfection. Just build consistency.
3. Speak Up When You’re Uncomfortable
Many of us were raised to keep the peace—even if it costs us our voice.
But silence in the face of discomfort is a betrayal, too.
You don’t need to explode. You don’t need a whole speech.
But you do need to be honest.
“This doesn’t feel right.”
“I’m not okay with that.”
“I need to take a step back.”
“I’m not available for this energy anymore.”
Speaking up doesn’t make you mean, dramatic, or selfish.
It makes you clear.
And clarity is a form of integrity.
You can be loving and firm. Direct and compassionate.
Start practicing with safe people—or even in the mirror.
Your truth deserves airtime.
4. Let Go of People-Pleasing
This one’s deep. Especially if your worth was tied to how useful, agreeable, or accommodating you were.
But here’s the truth: Every time you say yes to them when your soul says no, you’re abandoning yourself.
People-pleasing is not love. It’s a survival strategy.
One that taught you to be everything for everyone—except yourself.
Let it go.
Let people misunderstand you, or be disappointed, and let them learn to regulate their own emotions while you protect your peace.
The people who are meant for you won’t require your betrayal of yourself to stay.
They’ll want your wholeness.
And you’ll want theirs, too.
5. Forgive Yourself for the Past
This is the heart of it.
You’ve made choices that weren’t aligned.
Stayed too long. Stayed silent.
Lied to yourself. Maybe even hurt others along the way.
But you didn’t do those things because you were a bad person.
You did them because you were scared. Conditioned. Disconnected from your truth.
Shame will keep you stuck. But grace? Grace is a bridge back to integrity.
Forgive yourself—for not knowing what you didn’t know.
For playing small and over-giving. For being human.
Say it out loud:
“I forgive myself. I’m allowed to change. I’m allowed to come home to me.”
Because here’s the truth: wholeness is not perfection.
It’s alignment.
And alignment begins with compassion.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Broken—Just Out of Alignment
If this message hits home, let me affirm you:
You are not lazy. You are not undisciplined, too sensitive, too complicated, or too much.
You are likely just living outside of your integrity.
Saying yes when you mean no.
Making moves from fear instead of faith.
Living someone else’s story while ignoring your own.
But guess what? You can come home to yourself—starting now.
Let wholeness lead.
Integrity isn’t about being morally perfect.
It’s about coming back into wholeness.
It’s about saying, “I trust myself to choose what’s true for me—even if nobody else gets it.”
This is the path I’m on.
Restoring my integrity and building trust with myself.
Making space for the life I truly want.
Not because I have to prove anything—but because I finally believe I deserve it.
So, if you’re ready to stop performing and start being, I invite you to do this one thing today:
Tell yourself the truth.
That’s where integrity starts.
And that’s where your power begins.
You don’t need permission to realign. Just the courage to begin. If this message resonated with you, share it with a sister who’s on her own journey back to herself. Leave a comment on my latest post and let me know: Where in your life are you ready to restore your integrity? Let’s keep this conversation going at Life Lessons w/LaToya—a sacred space for healing, growth, and coming home to you.
Want to dive deeper into your healing and growth journey? Explore my curated collection of self-worth workbooks, soul-nourishing journals, and empowering resources in my Etsy shop and Amazon author page. Whether you’re rebuilding boundaries, rediscovering your voice, or simply craving a moment of reflection, there’s something waiting for you. Your next breakthrough might just be a click away.
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