Full disclosure—this used to be my life.
For years, I stayed in the lines. Tried to be who they said I “should” be. I filtered my feelings, tiptoed around people’s comfort zones, dimmed my personality so I wouldn’t seem “too much,” “too deep,” or “too loud.” I put myself in a box and convinced myself it was safe there.
And as women, many of us were raised to do just that. Conditioned to be everything to everybody—caretakers, peacekeepers, overachievers—while putting our own needs, desires, and well-being on the back burner. We inherited it. Watched the women before us carry the weight of everyone else’s life while never fully living their own.
That conditioning? It’s generational. It didn’t start with us—but it can end with us.
Because something is shifting.
More and more women are waking up, reclaiming their sovereignty, and choosing to write new narratives. We’re unlearning the lie that our worth is tied to self-sacrifice. We’re remembering that taking up space, being seen, and living boldly are not rebellious—they’re necessary.
Somewhere along the way, I woke up too. Maybe it was age, maybe it was heartbreak, maybe it was healing. But I started to feel the weight of every moment I had wasted trying to be digestible for people who would never truly see me anyway.
And I made a choice.
Today, I’m living out loud. I laugh with my whole chest, speak from my gut, wear what I love, move how I feel. I take up space with no apology, and I don’t give a damn who’s uncomfortable about it.
Because what’s more uncomfortable? Being judged, or betraying your own spirit?
This life is short. It’s sacred. And I’m not spending another second living under someone else’s rules.
If that hits something in your chest, keep reading. This one’s for the version of you that’s ready to break free.
Stop Performing, Be You & Start Living
Somewhere along the way, many of us got the message that in order to be liked, loved, or respected, we had to tone it down.
Be nice, polite, appropriate, quiet, good.
But that conditioning always comes at a cost—the price is your authenticity.
You start silencing your laugh because it’s “too loud.”
Water down your dreams because they seem “too ambitious.”
You don’t wear the outfit you love because it’s “too much.”
Hold back your opinions because they’re “too strong.”
Too, too, too. Girl, for who?
It’s wild how we live trying to edit ourselves to fit a script someone else wrote. And half the time, the people we’re worried about impressing? They’re not even paying attention. They’re in their own heads, managing their own mess, scared to be judged too.
Newsflash: nobody has it all figured out. We’re all out here life-ing, finding our way.
The Lie of Perfection
Let’s talk about perfectionism for a minute—because that’s the sneakiest thief of joy there is.
You keep waiting until it’s perfect to post the photo. Perfect to wear the dress, to show up. Perfect to launch the dream.
But “perfect” is a trap.
It’s not excellence. It’s fear wrapped in a pretty bow.
Perfectionism is often about control—trying to manage how people see you so you don’t feel rejected, embarrassed, or exposed. But trying to control your image 24/7? That’ll leave you exhausted and disconnected from your real self.
What’s worse, it creates a loop of self-critique and judgment of others. When we’re hard on ourselves, we tend to be hard on other people too. That inner critic doesn’t stay internal—it leaks out.
So… Who Are You Hiding From?
Let’s get honest.
Who are you afraid of disappointing? Whose judgment are you trying to avoid?
Parents? Church folk? Social media? The mean girl in your head? That ex who said you were “too emotional,” “too needy,” “too loud,” “too much”?
Let me tell you something: if your light is too bright for someone, they can kick rocks and blow bubbles as my niece would say. That’s not your business.
And if they’re judging you? Let them. Because people judge what they don’t understand, can’t control, or secretly wish they had the courage to be.
Don’t let their confusion, envy, or misery become your cage.
What Stories Are You Still Telling Yourself?
We all have stories we rehearse on repeat:
- “I’m not the type of person who does that.”
- “People like me don’t get to live like that.”
- “What if I fail and look stupid?”
- “They’re going to talk about me.”
And guess what? They might.
But they’ll talk if you succeed too. They’ll talk if you wear the outfit. If you take the trip, start the business, change your hair, leave the job, set the boundary, glow up.
So, you might as well give them something bold and beautiful to talk about.
Laugh At Yourself
Seriously—learn to laugh at yourself. Life is funny. You’re going to mess up, say awkward things, trip on the sidewalk, send a text to the wrong person, or get lipstick on your teeth.
Laugh. Shrug. Keep it moving.
Don’t let perfectionism rob you of joy or spontaneity. That quirky, slightly offbeat, beautifully human part of you? That’s your magic.
Nobody relates to flawless. We relate to real.
Stop Judging Others, Too
This one’s important.
When we judge others for how they dress, talk, dance, dream, or express joy—we’re often revealing our own unhealed shame.
The woman dancing at brunch might be doing what you wish you had the courage to do.
The man wearing neon colors might be showing up as himself more boldly than you ever felt allowed to.
The person who talks about their business non-stop? Maybe they’re just proud, and maybe you want to be that proud too.
Judgment is usually envy with a disguise on. A projection of the parts we’ve muted in ourselves.
So instead of critiquing people for living out loud, let them inspire you.
Live for the Moments, Not the Metrics
Can we be honest? The obsession with being “aesthetic” is draining.
You don’t need to turn your AM routine into a cinematic reel or filter your face into a version that doesn’t exist.
You don’t need to record every “perfect” angle of your vacation.
Live the moment for YOU. Not for views. Not for validation.
Laugh loud at brunch.
Dance at the cookout.
Wear the outfit that turns heads.
Sing off-key to your favorite 90s jam.
Say what you feel.
Take the photo and don’t worry about the pose.
You’re not here to be liked—you’re here to be alive.
The Truth About Time
We all know the saying, “Tomorrow is not promised.” But most of us live like we’ve got decades of cushion.
We put off joy, delay the dream.
We wait until we lose the weight, get the job, find the man, or have more money.
But people die with regrets every day. You will never regret being your full self. You’ll only regret the times you weren’t.
So take the damn trip.
Post the video.
Write the book.
Start the business.
Say “I love you”
Say “no.”
Say “yes.”
Do it scared. Do it anyway.
Take Up Space—All of It
You’re not “too much.”
You’re too contained.
This world has trained so many of us—especially women—to shrink. To be agreeable, not make noise, and not take credit. To apologize for simply existing.
But your presence is not a problem. It’s a gift.
You deserve to be seen, to take up space.
You deserve to be heard without shrinking your volume or shrinking your value.
Speak up. Wear bold lipstick. Say the thing you’re scared to say. Be messy, funny, loud, soft, brilliant.
Be fully YOU.
Here’s Your Reminder to Be You
You get one life. And it’s not a dress rehearsal.
So don’t waste another moment shrinking, apologizing, or performing for an audience that doesn’t even know who they are.
You were not sent here to be perfect. You were sent here to live fully.
Laugh too hard.
Love too much.
Dream too big.
Show up, even if your voice shakes.
Let joy find you in the middle of the mess.
Because this life? This one wild and unpredictable life?
It’s meant to be felt. Not filtered.
Final Thoughts: You Were Never Meant to Be Small
Sis, your spirit wasn’t made to be compressed. You weren’t sent here to live quietly in the shadows of other people’s expectations. You are the legacy of women who survived too much, sacrificed too often, and swallowed their voices for far too long.
But you?
You get to live differently to break the cycle. You get to laugh, dance, rest, speak, shine, and take up space in ways your mother, aunties, and grandmothers may have never felt allowed to. Every time you choose joy over judgment, presence over perfection, and self-expression over approval—you heal more than just yourself. You shift the whole line.
There’s a reason you feel called to live out loud now. Because it’s time.
You don’t need permission, to shrink.
You don’t need to explain your joy, your confidence, or your magic to anyone.
This life? It’s yours. Right now. No more waiting for the perfect moment, waiting until it’s safe. No more waiting for someone to choose you.
Choose you. Right here. Right now.
Call to Action: Let This Be Your Permission Slip to Be You
Here’s your invitation:
- Laugh without covering your mouth.
- Dance without needing rhythm.
- Wear what lights you up.
- Share your voice even if it shakes.
- Do the thing you’ve been waiting to be “ready” for.
Say yes to your freedom, to your full expression. Say yes to living like you mean it.
And if you needed a sign?
This is it.
The world doesn’t need a quieter version of you. The world needs your whole self—loud, unfiltered, joyful, messy, magical, and free.
Go be her.
Because living out loud is not a risk. It’s your birthright.
Want to dive deeper into your healing and growth journey? Explore my curated collection of self-worth workbooks, soul-nourishing journals, and empowering resources in my Etsy shop and Amazon author page. Whether you’re rebuilding boundaries, rediscovering your voice, or simply craving a moment of reflection, there’s something waiting for you. Your next breakthrough might just be a click away.
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